The Doomsday Stockpile

Go ahead,

admit it:

every time you go 

to the pantry

or hall closet

or check under the bathroom sink

or wherever it is that you keep it

you feel slightly embarrassed

by the ridiculous supply of

toilet paper

you have accumulated 

over the last three months

when they told you

the world

as we knew it 

was ending

and The Hive Mind declared

toilet paper 

of all things

as the one commodity

that would determine our future happiness

in the new world.

But you quickly reconcile the guilt

as you survey your

doomsday stockpile

with the story that your supplies 

are a personal testament 

to you as a steadfast tribal leader 

being ready for battle while saving his family 

from the unspeakable horror

of unsanitary public humiliation

and as you do a quick visual tally 

with the keen eye of a 

Wartime Supply Sergeant

to make sure your supply levels 

are at the ready

you take solace in knowing 

that your tribe can rest easy

and shit

care free

until 2023.

Ken Owen,  Van Niddy Press

June 2020