Evening Journal: April 2026

 

I would have gladly promoted an ex-wrestler

from the local Friday Night All-Star Wrestling program

to a position of great importance and responsibility...

...when I was eight.

-Markwayne Mullin appointed as Secretary of Homeland Security

04/01/2026

In fourteen months you got the entire planet to dislike you

then got fired by the world's most reviled leader

and now you are looking for work in a job market

that your former employer put in the toilet.

That is some weird-ass karmic justice.

04/02/2026

“Our great ships are in the Gulf of Mexico, ready to strike Tehran.”

​“We have a new weapon. Nobody knows about it. I shouldn't tell you, but the Iranians already know because they saw it in their dreams.”

“The war is over, a beautiful peace... also, we doubled the bombing tonight.”

–Donald J. Trump

Doesn’t all this make 
“We finally defeated Medicare!” 
seem...quaint?

04/11/2026 

It’s like creating personalized karaoke music 
with the song lyrics you wrote during your last breakup;
as long as you keep it to yourself, 
there have been worse things.

—creating song demos with Artificial Intelligence Music Generators

04/13/2006

I was thinking I might start 

a new political action committee—

The AFO (Atheists for Leo)

He’s from Chicago 

so he knows how to handle 

a loudmouth from Queens

and his outfits are impeccable.

04/17/2026

This morning's realization came

after reading a headline about him

and I couldn't remember the day I stopped saying

"That can't be true."

04/22/2026

Got to my gig last night, set up my drums, then went up to the bar to get a pre-game adult beverage. The TV screens behind the bar were showing the chaos from the Washington Press Corps Dinner. When I asked the guy sitting next to me what happened, he turned to me slowly (I think he'd been there a while) and said, "They missed him again.”

Washington Press Corps Dinner, 04/25/2026

“The radicals on the left are the problem, and they’re vicious and they’re horrible.” 

— Donald Trump, 09/12/2025

“Open the fucking Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell.”

— Donald Trump, 04/05/026

“A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again.” 

— Donald Trump, 04/07/2026

“Kimmel’s hateful and violent rhetoric is intended to divide our country. His words are corrosive and deepen the political sickness within America. People like Kimmel shouldn’t have the opportunity to enter our homes each evening to spread hate.”

— Melania Trump, 04/27/2026

04/28/2026

Evening Journal: March 2026

 

The leader who erects monuments 

to celebrate himself in this life 

will watch helplessly from the next 

as his dubious legacy brings them down

03/02/2026

A tyrannical theocratic supreme leader

killed by a distant fascist oligarch

in the name of democracy and freedom

to justify a ‘war of choice’

03/04/2026

I hope this means her f-ing commercials 

will stop invading the nightly news 

to wage war with my 5:00pm 

Attitude Adjustment Sessions

03/05/2026

A marauding herd has begun a holy war crusade 

using their troops as kindling for a mythical signal fire

in a land with three thousand years of experience in watching 

theological hubris get buried in the sand 

03/09/2026

I consider you one of the greatest tools

our species has ever produced

but remember to check my results—

Ken Owen is human and can make mistakes

—a note to AI

03/10/2026

One of the more noteworthy milestones

on your retirement resume is when 

you give your sweat pants a promotion 

with a new title of “House Pants”

03/27/2026

“Excessive, illogical, and unrealistic.” 

During negotiations to end the war 

it became unclear if the Iranian government 

was describing the U.S. terms for a cease fire 

or the person who drafted them

03/31/2026

Ken Owen         Van Niddy Press

Evening Journal: February 2026

 

Last night 

you came to visit me, 

you were smiling

and playing your horn. 

I moved my leg 

so you could sit next to me 

on the edge of the bed. 

That woke me up.

— in memory of Fred Okert, February 2026

So quietly beautiful 

the morning rain,

even the sun

came out to watch.

02/19/2026

Soap and Water

The Good Old Days

To spend any time these days amongst the general population is to be unwillingly exposed to their strange chemical scents. It seems that advertisers have convinced people that subjecting others to your body’s natural odor is of the highest personal offense, and are selling hair products that produce slick, shine, and scent, and body sprays designed to kill odors emanating from every dark crevice of the human anatomy. 

One day, after sharing a short ride in an elevator with one such chemically swathed individual, and trying hard not to let my mind wander to exactly where those lofty chemicals escaped from just moments ago, I realized that to ride with them in an elevator is to disinfect you and the car for the next six hours, as no pathogen in its right mind would dare board a human wearing Eau de Dow Chemical.

I now fear for the safety of my chemically bathed brothers and sisters anywhere near an open flame, as it seems that soap, hot water, and a small splash of strategically placed English Leather or Jean Naté have officially become relics of the good old days of personal hygiene.

Ken Owen February 2026

Van Niddy Press

Welcome to the Neighborhood

A mobster from New York
bought a house on our block
then quickly tore half of it down
and started remodeling without permits.

Though we have registered many complaints,
the city council has been suspiciously quiet.

He then began threatening all our neighbors
saying he would buy their house
or just take it if they don't accept his offer

and even though he is trillions of dollars in debt
he’s been seen mumbling things like

    “…the easy way or the hard way”

to make sure he gets what he wants.

The neighbors
a few blocks over
are getting very concerned.


Ken Owen     January 2026
Van Niddy Press

Silence in the Hallowed Halls

 

Let them sit there

quietly steeping in their own cowardice

so that history may know them

as traitors to the dream

Let them carry forever

the stain of their inaction

complicit in their silence

enabling fears never thought possible

Let them watch

while the people who have seen

the consequence of neglect 

rise up emboldened with the duty 

of securing their freedoms

-inspired by the 119th Congress, 2nd Session, 2026

Ken Owen    January 2026

Van Niddy Press

Clown Car: 'Sphere of Influence' World Tour 2026

Lead Singer: Donald Trump
Heavily medicated, bloated, must be physically directed toward the mic; makes up forgotten lyrics when not falling asleep; known for incendiary tirades: “What city am I in?” This place is a dump. I’m gonna tear it down and build a magnificent ballroom!”…then soils himself.

Lead Guitar: JD Vance
Petulant and grumpy; waiting for his solo career while stuck in the shadows; not allowed to manage the lead singer’s medication (yet); rumored to be lip syncing to pre-recorded tracks once used during his one-woman drag show.

Keyboards: Marco Rubio
Learning to read music during performances with a keyboard that isn’t plugged in; known to give signals to stage crew when diaper change seems imminent.

Bass: Pete Hegseth
Hopes his matinee idol looks will land him an audition for the lead in The Reagan biopic; interviews all women allowed backstage; must be repeatedly told what his instrument does (usually not plugged in, he thinks it’s an automatic weapon); needs reminders not to tweet the set lists to the press before the show starts.

Drums: Stephen Miller
Heavy Metal drummer, 34-piece drum kit, triple bass drums; refuses to let the band perform a love song; plays while wearing a long-sleeved shirt to hide various Third Reich tattoos; consistently overheard at rehearsals saying, “The beat is what I say it is, no exceptions!”; indifferent to the other players; uses no monitors on stage.

Harmony Singer: Pam Bondi
Recent replacement for Marjorie Taylor Greene (removed from the tour after suffering delusions from overdosing on ‘blue pills’ before a show); known for her slick yet biting delivery; carries out her tight harmonies with the lead singer’s howling like an executive order.

Manager: Steve Bannon
First seen promoting bikini mud wrestling shows; keen business sense; gets the band gigs by convincing venue owners his team can check the citizenship status of all concession workers at no extra charge.

Booking Agent: Tulsi Gabbard
Specializes in booking gigs at high-security venues in Moscow and Damascus; tells the promoter they’ll open with the song ‘Peace Train’ when their opening number is really “War Pigs.”

Tour PR Lead: Karoline Leavitt
Former Mary Kay ‘Platinum’ Rep; rumors that she purchased her entire wardrobe from a Tammy Faye Bakker estate sale have never been substantiated.

Tour Doctor: Robert Kennedy, Jr.
Doses the entire band and crew with psychotropic mushrooms and ‘male virility rituals’ before every performance; has banned Tylenol and bottled water backstage.

Backstage Hostess: Lauren Boebert
Manages the VIP Lounge; though well known for adding her ‘personal touch’ to events, she currently has no access to Lead Singer’s dressing room (asked too many questions while reviewing old guest lists).

Tour Pet Care: Kristi Noem 

Known for her love of well behaved animals; can walk (and return with) all 3 band dogs without incident; recently assisted one senior band pet in their ‘retirement’ to a local farm.

Tour Bus Driver: Kash Patel
Promoted to Lead Driver for a bus with no brakes 3 weeks after receiving his learner’s permit; allowed to use the bus for ‘date nights’ as long as he brings home special fans for the lead singer; claims taking the bus to a private island for personal concerts never happened.

Clown Car

‘Sphere of Influence’ Tour 2026

Coming to a City Near You!

(whether you like it or not)

Ken Owen     January 2026
Van Niddy Press