from the local Friday Night All-Star Wrestling program
to a position of great importance and responsibility...
...when I was eight.
-Markwayne Mullin appointed as Secretary of Homeland Security
04/01/2026
then got fired by the world's most reviled leader
and now you are looking for work in a job market
that your former employer put in the toilet.
That is some weird-ass karmic justice.
04/02/2026
“Our great ships are in the Gulf of Mexico, ready to strike Tehran.”
“We have a new weapon. Nobody knows about it. I shouldn't tell you, but the Iranians already know because they saw it in their dreams.”
“The war is over, a beautiful peace... also, we doubled the bombing tonight.”
–Donald J. Trump
“We finally defeated Medicare!”
seem...quaint?
04/11/2026
with the song lyrics you wrote during your last breakup;
as long as you keep it to yourself,
there have been worse things.
—creating song demos with Artificial Intelligence Music Generators
04/13/2006
I was thinking I might start
a new political action committee—
The AFO (Atheists for Leo)
He’s from Chicago
so he knows how to handle
a loudmouth from Queens
and his outfits are impeccable.
04/17/2026
This morning's realization came
after reading a headline about him
and I couldn't remember the day I stopped saying
"That can't be true."
04/22/2026
Got to my gig last night, set up my drums, then went up to the bar to get a pre-game adult beverage. The TV screens behind the bar were showing the chaos from the Washington Press Corps Dinner. When I asked the guy sitting next to me what happened, he turned to me slowly (I think he'd been there a while) and said, "They missed him again.”
Washington Press Corps Dinner, 04/25/2026
“The radicals on the left are the problem, and they’re vicious and they’re horrible.”
— Donald Trump, 09/12/2025
“Open the fucking Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell.”
— Donald Trump, 04/05/026
“A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again.”
— Donald Trump, 04/07/2026
“Kimmel’s hateful and violent rhetoric is intended to divide our country. His words are corrosive and deepen the political sickness within America. People like Kimmel shouldn’t have the opportunity to enter our homes each evening to spread hate.”
— Melania Trump, 04/27/2026
04/28/2026
Perhaps the new U.S. passport
might help expedite the international travel process–
when travelers are asked, "Reason for visit?"
they can simply point and say, "Asylum."
04/30/2026
