Thursday, August 30, 2018

My Computer Thinks I’m Gay



I have recently been
shopping online for things 
like 

medicated shower soaps

modern day options in 
breathable underwear

hair styling products

and a new shoulder bag 
to hold things 
like 

my tablet computer

my wallet

a comb

my inhaler
 
and sunscreen to use 
when I’m out 
running errands

and lately I have been looking 
for a lavender colored shirt
to accent a new vest I wear to gigs 

(it would seem this last bit of shopping 
has made my computer sit up and take notice).

          ~~~~

Now my computer 
is sending me ads 
for wild patterned shirts and skinny jeans

and for things I never knew existed 
and frighten me when I figure out 
their true purpose.

I have been told that
greatly sophisticated 
computer algorithms exist 

that can determine exactly
what a person will shop for next 
based on what they shopped for last

but I am fairly certain I will never require 
jewelry for a piercing in the places 
these ads are alluding to.

          ~~~~

I began to wonder if I were to 
do some searches for things 
like

sledge hammers and 

welding masks

if that would bring things back into balance
closer to my personal experience 
though I’ve never used either 

or would I be creating a whole new algorithm 
for welders who use shoulder bags
while running errands wearing lavender shirts?

(Where I live, the chances of that algorithm 
already existing is very high.)

          ~~~~

I was going to end this with

Does my computer
know something 
I don’t?

But, on further review
perhaps the question should be:
Can I get a welding mask in lavender paisley?

(I’m pretty sure it would be awesome.)



Ken Owen
Van Niddy Press   August 2018

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