The Grandpa Button

You don't have to rock the baby anymore,

there is a machine that will do it for you.

It's a swing with multiple speed settings

and I must admit, it looks pretty comfy.

You don't have to sing to the baby anymore either,

there is a switch on the swing

to play modern renditions of insipid nursery rhyme music

that fall very short on musical merit for adults

by the fourth or fifth time through

while waiting for the baby to fall asleep,

but I guess it does the trick.

You don't have to make funny sounds and faces 

to entertain the baby anymore,

the swing has a button that will play jungle animal sounds

and spin a circular mobile with various shaped objects.

I wonder what a new baby thinks when she hears

the sound of monkeys and lions and elephants

that aren't in the room?

I suppose someone did plenty of research 

so they could say to their Boss:

"Babies love the sound of a roaring lion"

which, unless you’re a baby lion, doesn't make sense to me,

but if that person is the one who also recommended the music

then that might explain things.

And so, in this modern era,

just put the baby in her automated push button swing

and you're free to clean bottles or wash diapers 

or any of the other tasks new parents have to do 

along with everything else in their busy lives

that have been turned completely upside-down

since they brought home their new baby.

There is, however, 

no grandpa button on the automated swing

and I'm thankful for that,

so I can rock the baby in my arms

while making funny faces and weird animal sounds

as I carry her around the house and show her things to look at

and softly sing silly made-up songs to her

like only a grandpa can do.

No button required.

written during nap time, November 2013

Ken Owen   Van Niddy Press   November 2013